Communication isn’t just about what we say, but how we listen and how we love in the process.
Dear friends,
I hope you’re doing well! I wanted to take a moment to chat about something that’s so important in any marriage: communication. We all know how easy it is to feel misunderstood or frustrated when we’re trying to talk things through. But when we bring Christ into our communication with each other, things can change in powerful ways.
I remember a time when Holly and I were having one of those “miscommunication moments.” We were both talking at the same time, trying to get our points across, and suddenly we realized—neither of us was really hearing the other. We were so focused on being understood that we missed the chance to truly listen.
I think we’ve all been there, right? But the Bible gives us such good wisdom when it comes to this. James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” That verse really hit me when we were going through that rough moment. It reminded me that communication isn’t just about what we say, but how we listen and how we love in the process.
So, I thought I’d share a few tools that have helped Holly and I when it comes to improving our communication—and I hope they can help you too!
- Really Listen: I mean really listen. Instead of just hearing your partner’s words, try to understand their heart behind them. It’s easy to jump in with a response, but Proverbs 18:13 says, “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” So, when your spouse is speaking, just stop and really take it in. Reflect back what you’ve heard to show that you’re understanding.
- Take a Pause and Pray: If things start to feel heated, it can be really helpful to just hit pause. Take a breath, and pray for peace and clarity before continuing. I’ve learned that when we invite God into our conversations, it brings so much more understanding and calmness.
- Use “I” Statements: This one’s simple but so powerful. Instead of saying “You always…” or “You never…,” try saying something like, “I feel upset when…” It helps to focus on your feelings without putting blame on your spouse. This makes the conversation more about understanding each other than defending positions.
- Make Time for Each Other: Sometimes it’s just about setting aside time to connect. Life gets busy, but when we make time to talk about the little things, it can really strengthen your bond. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one,” and that’s so true in marriage.
We are praying for you both and hope these little tips can make a difference in your day-to-day!
Together for marriage,
Mike and Holly
