Marriage is a beautiful and exciting thing, but it is also hard and takes work to build a healthy marriage. Before you say “I do”, it’s important that you and your future spouse talk about the topics that might not have come up during your dating life, but will be vital to a healthy marriage. These are the questions for before marriage that will turn your long term relationships into life long marriages.
Big Questions
Why do you want to get married? : Before you tie the knot, you want to know the reasons why marriage is important to you.
What about marriage excites me? What scares me? : Marriage is both scary and exciting! Talk with your future spouse about the things that scare and excite them.
What is my communication style? : You and your future spouse don’t need to have the same communication style, but you do need to understand how you communicate with each other.
Future Expectations
What expectations do you have about who does housework? : You might be surprised about the unspoken expectations about chores that you have. These expectations, which often come from the way our families manage household work, are worth discussing before marriage.
How do you handle disagreements? : Conflict is just a natural part of any relationship. But knowing how you handle and resolve disagreements is vital to a healthy marriage.
Do you have expectations about who would be a stay at home parent? : Similar to household chores, you may have expectations about who would stay home if you have children. Make sure you are on the same page.
Can we respect each other’s opinions on religion or political party differences? : You don’t have to agree 100% with your spouse, but it’s important that you see eye to eye on major worldviews. Or if you don’t agree, that you can respect the differences in opinion your partner has.
Do you have any underlying or major health problems I should know about? : Marriage is about openness and honesty. A married couple shares each other’s burdens, and that includes health: physical and mental health.
Family
Do you want kids? : Marriage is a big step before building a family. Make sure you and your future spouse are on the same page about if you want children, and when.
If we can’t have biological children, what would you want to do? : No one wants to face the tragedy of infertility, but if you and your spouse struggle to get pregnant, you need to be on the same page about what to do.
What are your thoughts about birth control? : If having kids isn’t in the cards for you and your spouse, you need to discuss family planning options and make sure you agree.
How do you imagine spending the holidays? : Once you tie the knot, you are suddenly part of 3 families: your family of origin, your new family with your spouse, and your spouse’s family of origin. Make sure you discuss how you’re going to spend time with family on major holidays.
How will we manage relationships with in-laws? : One of the most challenging parts of a new marriage is figuring out how to balance relationships with parents and in-laws. Talk with your future spouse about how you’ll prioritize and manage relationships with extended family.
Money and Finances
Do you want a shared bank account, or have separate money? : Whether you share your money or have separate accounts is up to you, but make sure you and your future spouse agree before the wedding day.
How do you budget and save money? : Are you a saver or a spender? Understanding your money habits will help you prepare for combined finances in a new marriage.
Do I have any financial goals? : Maybe you are saving up for a new car, a nice vacation, or a down payment on a home. It’s important to share these goals with your future spouse.
Sex Life and Intimacy
What are my expectations on intimacy? : Intimacy is one of the leading causes of divorce in our world. You may not have all the answers to your expectations around sexual activity yet, but you need to keep an open line of communication with your spouse about it.
Can I commit to going to counseling if we ever need it? : Marriage counseling has saved many marriages from divorce. If you ever need to see a relationship therapist, are you willing to commit to counseling to help heal your marriage?
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Marriage is a beautiful relationship that we should celebrate and your wedding day should be a party celebrating your life with your future spouse. As you prepare to take those “I do”s, build a marriage foundation that will last a lifetime.
