At the end of the day, conflict in our marriages isn’t about avoiding it but about handling it in a way that helps us grow closer.
Dear Friends,
I’ve been thinking a lot about how we handle conflict with our spouses, especially from a Christian perspective. Conflict is something we all go through in marriage, but it’s how we deal with it that really makes a difference.
I was reflecting on a time when Holly and I had a disagreement about something so petty and small (like whose turn it was to do some dreaded chore 🤦). We both got a bit worked up for really no reason at all. And it made me realize how much the way we respond during stress matters, and how important it is to handle those moments with love and patience.
So, I thought I’d share a few thoughts and Bible passages that have helped me over time, and I hope they might be helpful for you too:
- Stop and Pray
Whenever I feel that tension building up, I’ve learned it’s crucial to take a minute to pray. I ask God to give me peace and to help me handle the situation with the right heart. Philippians 4:6-7 is a passage I remind myself of a lot, especially when I’m feeling anxious or upset. It’s amazing how much peace prayer can bring, even in the middle of a disagreement. - Listen to Your Spouse
I’ll admit, there have been times when I’ve been more focused on defending my side than actually listening. But I’ve found that when I truly listen to Holly, it makes all the difference. James 1:19says we should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. I’ve tried to remind myself of that, and it’s helped me understand Holly better, even when we don’t agree on everything. - Choose Your Words Carefully
Words are powerful. I can’t count how many times I’ve said something in the heat of the moment that I regretted later. Ephesians 4:29 talks about speaking only what’s helpful and building each other up. I try to remind myself to use kind, thoughtful words, even when I feel frustrated. It doesn’t always happen perfectly, but it’s something I’m working on! - Apologize and Forgive
This one is huge. I think one of the biggest things I’ve learned in marriage is that saying sorry is really important—and it’s okay to be the one to apologize first, even if you’re not entirely in the wrong. And forgiving is just as important. We can’t hold onto grudges, or it’ll eat away at us. Colossians 3:13 reminds us to forgive as the Lord forgave us, which always gives me perspective. - Look for a Solution Together
The goal isn’t to “win” the argument, it’s to come to a solution that works for both of us. My spouse and I have learned to talk through things, find common ground, and compromise when we don’t see eye to eye. It’s more about unity than being right.
At the end of the day, conflict in our marriages isn’t about avoiding it but about handling it in a way that helps us grow closer. I know it’s not always easy, but by keeping God at the center and being willing to put in the effort, we can navigate those tough moments and come out stronger.
Together for marriage,
Mike and Holly
