Don’t fall for the myth: Let’s talk about sex in marriage.

God created sex, and that tells us something about him. It’s a reminder that he’s a God who delights in our pleasure who wants us to experience joy and fulfillment in every aspect of our lives. And when we understand sex in that light, it’s truly liberating.

In Genesis, the first time we read about sex, we see that Adam’s knowing of Eve extends beyond a mere intellectual understanding; it’s a deep, soulful connection at the core of their relationship. This union is beautifully captured in Genesis 2:24, where “two become one flesh.”

In a world that often paints marriage as the place where sex fades away, it’s vital to remember the truth: God designed sex as a beautiful, intimate gift for couples to enjoy within the context of marriage. Despite the lies and misconceptions that pervade our culture, we have the opportunity to cultivate a vibrant and fulfilling sexual relationship with our spouse.

Working with many couples over the years, we have seen how sex can be a painful, complicated, or even taboo subject. It’s not an easy conversation for most couples to have, as we live in a world that is sexually broken. No matter if you grew up in a purity culture or lived more promiscuously, you are bringing a degree of sexual brokenness into your marriage that God wants to heal and redeem.

Our goal is to continue to normalize the conversation about physical intimacy in our marriages and allow the Holy Spirit to restore what’s broken.

One of the best ways to create a regular rhythm of communication around intimacy is to have these conversations while you and your spouse are on a drive or a walk. There is something about the activity of moving and talking that helps us to think and be vulnerable in what we are sharing. Here are a couple questions to get the conversation started:

• What are we currently enjoying about the physical side of our relationship?

• What are your thoughts and feelings about our sexual relationship?

• Are there any specific ways that we can improve our communication about our sexual desires?

• Are there any steps we can take to prioritize and nurture our sexual connection amidst the demands of our everyday lives?

Let’s break the silence and engage in meaningful conversations about our desires, needs, and dreams for intimacy in order to foster a deeper connection and understanding with our spouses.

Our sex lives aren’t confined to the bedroom; they’re an expression of the care and connection we cultivate throughout our daily lives. Just as a chain is composed of many links, our intimacy is built on the small, everyday moments of service and attentiveness to each other’s needs.

Author Kevin Leman speaks to this point as he says that “Good sex is an all-day affair. You can’t treat your spouse like a servant and expect them to be eager to sleep with you at night. Your spouse’s sexual responsiveness will be determined by how willingly you help out with the dishes, the kids’ homework, or that leaky faucet that drips throughout the night.”

When we serve each other through the everyday things of life, we strengthen the bonds of intimacy in our marriage, paving the way for deeper connection in all areas of our relationship. Look for ways that you can serve your spouse, not with the motivation of getting something in return but with a servant’s heart toward them.

We learned this from our good friends and board members at Spark Discipleship, Nick and Kelli Berard…Set aside time for a date night this month where each of you can discuss one aspect of your sexual intimacy that has been amazing recently, and one area where you see potential for growth.