“We sound like business partners running a really complicated company.”
Holly said this last Tuesday between bites of reheated leftovers. We’d been rapid-firing through our usual evening logistics: “Can you pick up Elly from ballet practice?” “Don’t forget the dentist appointment.” “Did you pay the electric bill?”
Her words hung in the air for a second. She was totally right.
We weren’t just having a logistical conversation. We were living out what we’d been practicing all week long—managing our marriage like a business, optimizing our family like a machine, treating our home like mission control for maximum efficiency.
But that’s not the marriage we want. That’s not the story we fell in love with.
In his book “You Are What You Love,” author James K.A. Smith makes a profound observation: “You are what you love, and you love what you worship.” But here’s the uncomfortable part—you might not love what you think you love. Your deepest desires are shaped by your daily habits, not just your conscious choices.
Think about it: What are the rituals that actually govern your day? The first thing you reach for when you wake up (your phone?). The rhythm of your evenings (Netflix and scroll?). The conversations you default to (logistics and schedules?).
These aren’t just “things we do”—they’re slowly shaping what we want. They’re training our hearts to desire efficiency over intimacy, productivity over presence, managing our lives over actually living them.
Here’s the hope: If our loves can be misdirected by unconscious habits, they can also be redirected by intentional ones.
What if this week, instead of defaulting to logistics, you started one conversation each day with: “How is your heart today?” What if instead of reaching for your phone first thing in the morning, you reached for your spouse’s hand and prayed over them for thirty seconds?
🔥 Small shifts. Daily practice. That’s how love gets recalibrated.
Your marriage wasn’t designed to be a well-oiled machine. It was designed to be a place where two people learn to love like Jesus—together.
We’re praying for your hearts this week,
Mike and Holly
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