“I can’t believe you’re still working on that project. You said you’d finish it weeks ago.”
Holly’s words hit me harder than they should have recently. She wasn’t wrong—I had been dragging my feet on getting a few projects done on the house. But her tone felt more like disappointment than partnership.
I started to get defensive, ready to list all the other things I’d been handling. Then I caught myself and asked a different question: “What if this moment isn’t about the project at all?”
What if this was about something deeper—about how we see each other when we’re frustrated, tired, or unfinished?
Timothy Keller writes, “Within this Christian vision of marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, ‘I see who God is making you, and it excites me!‘”
This echoes what Paul writes in Philippians 1:6: “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Here’s the thing: it’s easy to see God’s work in your spouse when they’re at their best. But can you see it when they’re struggling with follow-through? When they’re overwhelmed? When they’re not living up to their own expectations?
Scripture reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13:7 that love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Love doesn’t give up on what God is building and forming.
That night, instead of defending myself, I said, “Holly, you’re right. I’ve been scattered lately. But I also hear that you want us to have a peaceful space in our home, and that matters to me because it matters to you.”
The shift was immediate. We went from adversaries to partners again.
Love sees what God is building, even in the mess.
This week, practice looking at your spouse through God’s eyes. When they frustrate you, ask yourself: “What is God developing in them right now?” When they disappoint you, remember: “God isn’t finished with them yet—and He’s not finished with me either.”
As Ephesians 2:10 reminds us, “We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Your spouse is God’s handiwork—a masterpiece He’s actively creating.
Your spouse isn’t a project to complete. They’re a masterpiece in progress.
Together for marriage,
Mike and Holly
