Have you noticed how marriages don’t typically fall apart overnight?
The truth is, most couples don’t wake up one morning suddenly disconnected. Instead, they experience what we call “the drift” – that slow, almost invisible tendency for couples to grow apart over time. It happens in small moments, subtle choices, and tiny compromises that seem harmless individually but create distance collectively.
Holly and I discovered this firsthand during our early years of marriage. While managing careers, kids, and church commitments, we found ourselves becoming more like efficient roommates than husband and wife. Our conversations revolved around schedules and logistics rather than heart matters. We weren’t fighting – we were just… drifting.
“What is happening to us?” Holly asked one night after we’d spent an entire dinner discussing nothing but to-do lists. That question became a turning point.
In Ephesians 5:31, God reminds us that “a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Notice how Scripture uses the word “united” – suggesting an active, intentional coming together. Unity in marriage doesn’t happen passively; it requires deliberate steps toward each other while the world constantly pulls you apart.
This week, we want to challenge you to recognize the drift in your own marriage.
Where have small, daily choices created distance between you and your spouse? It could be as simple as reaching for your phone instead of reaching for their hand, or defaulting to logistics instead of heart-level conversation.
Try this: Tonight, before discussing schedules or responsibilities, ask your spouse, “How is your heart doing today?” Then listen – truly listen – to their answer.
The drift is real, but it doesn’t have to define your marriage.
Walking this journey with you,
Mike and Holly
