Have you ever wondered why the person you love most can also hurt you deepest? Why the relationship you hoped would bring constant joy often brings unexpected pain?
Recently, Holly and I had one of those arguments that seemed to come out of nowhere. What began as a minor disagreement quickly spiraled into hurt feelings and old wounds. I walked away thinking, “How can we still struggle like this after 17 years?” Then later that night, as we sat on the couch apologizing (me doing most of it :), something clicked for both of us.
Marriage isn’t painful despite being wonderful—it’s painful because it’s wonderful. It shows us both our deep flaws and our capacity for extraordinary love, often in the same moment.
This mirrors what the gospel reveals: we are more broken than we dare admit, yet more loved than we dare hope.
In Ephesians 5, Paul says marriage reflects Christ’s relationship with the church. Think about that! Your marriage, with all its mess and beauty, actually pictures God’s love story with His people.
When Holly and I began seeing our struggles not as evidence that something was wrong but as opportunities for grace to work, everything changed. Our conflicts became classrooms where God could teach us both about our need for Him.
This week, the next time you clash with your spouse, pause and ask: “What’s this revealing about my own heart that needs God’s grace?” Then share that insight with your spouse. When two people see their own need for mercy, they extend it more freely to each other.
Your marriage isn’t meant to be painless—it’s meant to be grace-filled.
Growing in grace with you,
Mike and Holly
